apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
