maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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