I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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