His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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