you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
