i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
