those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
