I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
