Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
