ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
