I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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