Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We're too hungover to prance.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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