Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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