He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize