There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
