My room smells like vodka and shame
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
