Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
