Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she told me i tasted like america
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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