how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
