im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
