So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
