I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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