I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
