Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
