I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
