One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
