oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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