hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
wanna go halves on a baby?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
