Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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