In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
