Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
