I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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