dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
