i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
