I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
