I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
home. puking in laundry basket.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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