cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
