You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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