you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
