If i could tip my vagina, i would.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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