So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
