physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
