Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
