I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
