I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
