Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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