Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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