then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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