ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
