ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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