This is not my ceiling
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
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