I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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